A Rhapsody for Meredith
by McAddicted
Summary: AU: "I will play you a rhapsody..." A bittersweet one shot of love lost between Meredith & Derek...will they be able to find each other again?


**This little one shot has been playing around the edges of my mind for awhile now. It's a little different from my usual fics, and the song lyrics listed below are what inspired me. It's an older song by Burton Cummings, a Canadian singer/songwriter, probably more well known for being the lead singer in the Guess Who way back when. (Yeah, I'm sure some of you are scratching your head, wondering who the heck I'm talking about!) Anyhoodle, I heard the song again recently, and well...this is what the result of my flight of fancy. Since it's a one-shot, I don't want to give away too much here, but it's about losing love and then finding it again.**

**Usual Disclaimer: Don't own GA or the characters - Shonda has those to destroy at her whim. I merely write this work of fiction to keep my sanity and hopefully entertain you as well.  
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><p><strong>Rhapsody for Meredith<br>**

_What will you see? What will you be?_  
><em>Anything you want to love is easy<em>  
><em>How will you know if I am for you?<em>  
><em>You won't know me to see me, but you'll know by what I do<em>

_For I will play a rhapsody_  
><em>Cleverly disguise it, so it's not been heard before<em>  
><em>And I will sing a lullaby<em>  
><em>Let you know I'm near you through the night to keep you warm<em>

_How will you know? Where you should go?_  
><em>Anywhere you want to love is fast or love is slow<em>  
><em>Falling through feelings and falling through time<em>  
><em>You won't know me to see me, but I'll come to you in rhyme<em>

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><p>In the hushed quiet of the vast performance hall, the haunting notes of the melody seemed to hover in the air. The music was akin to a lullaby that wrapped around the listener and gave comfort, yet it was also bittersweet in some ways, as if the pianist imbued it with a sense of his own melancholy.<p>

From her hidden vantage point behind the heavy velvet curtains at the edge of the stage, Meredith felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. She knew both the music and the pianist intimately. The man at the sleek grand piano was bent over the ivory keys, with only a small spotlight to give him light. His black curls were in usual disarray, from his wont to rake his fingers through it when his mood was dark. It was all she could do to keep from closing the distance between them to smooth the strands into place. Oh yes, she knew the feel of that hair under her fingertips, the touch of those fingers that now skimmed the keys so gracefully. Derek Shepherd, the renowned classical pianist, was also the man she loved, and somehow lost.

The music faded into the last whispered chord, and for a reverent moment the entire audience paused, before erupting into thunderous applause. Derek took a deep breath, and pushed to his feet, making himself turn to face the crowd. They were on their feet as well then, a standing ovation for him. It should be the pinnacle of success, the moment he had worked towards for so long, but he smiled sadly. The song he just finished playing was his own creation, and even though it was sometimes painful to perform it in public, he felt the need to share it with the fans that supported him. It might be masochistic, but sometimes he thought maybe it would eventually be just another song in his repertoire, even though he didn't really believe that in his heart. His heart, which had been taken by Meredith and then broken by events that had transpired beyond his control.

For the moment, he bowed and then waved his thanks at the audience before exiting the stage, wanting nothing more than to escape to his dressing room and pour a glass of Scotch. At the sideline, his long time friend and manager, Mark, was waiting for him. "Bravo, Shep! That was your best performance – good job!"

"You always tell me that," Derek frowned, loosening the constricting bow tie from around his throat. He was ready to ditch the tuxedo, and get into his well worn jeans and favorite denim shirt, but Mark put a hand on his arm.

"Well, it's true, and don't lose the monkey suit just yet – there's some fans waiting to see you that won tickets. You remember, the deal includes getting a meet and greet with you."

"Damn..." Derek sighed, but straightened his cuffs and redid the tie. "Make it quick, all right? I feel a migraine coming on."

"You should see a doctor about that," Mark commented, leading the way through the maze of backstage cables and clutter.

Derek merely shrugged at the comment. He had seen a doctor about it once, and that had not turned out well in the long run. "I'll be fine," he snapped, rubbing his temple. The doctor in question was Meredith Grey, the neurosurgeon he'd consulted when a bout of blinding pain had been too much to bear while he'd been in Seattle for a performance. In the course of his treatment, they had fallen in love with each other, and their whirlwind romance had taken everyone by surprise.

He shoved the memory aside for the moment, and pasted a smile on his face as Mark opened the door to the backstage lounge. The room was luxurious and well appointed with soft sofas and a wet bar. There were several vases of floral arrangements, and the scent of their perfume was almost cloying and added to his discomfort. Waiting anxiously for him were four women, ranging in age from a young teenager, to a beaming white haired woman. Obviously a family, judging from the similar facial features. At their enthusiastic greeting, he crossed the room, and held out his hands to them. It was part of his job, as a performer, but he did enjoy spending time with the fans. Without their support, he would still be struggling to pay the bills, and he did his best to be gracious and charming, no matter what. Posing for pictures, he was able to smile more naturally, even if the pop of the flash made him nauseous. He signed his name on the music sheaf that the eldest woman held out for him, recognizing it was the song he'd just finished performing.

"I love that song," she told him. "It's so incredibly emotional. You have a wonderful talent, Mr. Shepherd. I just want to ask, though, did you have someone in mind when you wrote that? It seems so personal..."

"Yes, actually," Derek admitted. "It was for my fianceé." It was the truth, there was no use hiding it, after all. His mouth twisted a little, thinking of Meredith again.

"She must be very proud of you."

"I suppose she was, but we...well, we broke up..." Derek found himself unable to tell the usual vague lie about the situation. He fiddled with one of his cuff links, needing to keep his fingers busy.

"I'm sorry, dear. Maybe it will work out...true love always finds a way," she said softly, patting his arm. "I appreciate you sharing that with me, and your secret is safe with us, right girls?"

The other women nodded, and Derek smiled, despite himself. In a way, they reminded him of his own family – led by his indomitable mother, his four sisters were always there for a word of advice, or a swift kick in the ass if he was wrong. "Thank you for coming tonight, I truly hope you enjoyed the concert." He turned to Mark. "Make sure they get copies of the new CD and tickets for the next time I'm here in New York."

"You got it." Mark grinned happily, before escorting the women back to the main entrance of the building. With a sigh of relief, Derek flicked the light switch off, and sank into one of the sofas, loosening the tie again, and putting his feet up. Pain throbbed dully behind his eyes, and he groaned softly, thinking that he should go and take one of the pills Meredith had prescribed but he was suddenly too lethargic to move a muscle. The thought of a glass of Scotch was even too much to contemplate.

He heard the door open again. "Go away, Mark...I need to just sit here for a few minutes..." he muttered. But the sound of footsteps stopping uncertainly at the threshold were too dainty for his friend, and he caught a whiff of lavender scent that made his eyes snap open. "Meredith..."

She stood silhouetted in the light from the corridor, and for a second, he thought he was hallucinating. They hadn't spoken or seen each other in the months since they drifted apart, and he couldn't believe it was actually her. Maybe it was an angel, conjured up by his pain.

"Yes, it's me..." she whispered, taking a few tentative steps forward. "You're getting a migraine again, aren't you..."

"Yeah, I consider it penance..."

She was at his side in an instant, her cool fingers rubbing his temples then. "Have you been watching your diet and exercising the way I told you?" she asked gently. She met his fervent blue eyes, and she was shocked at the pain there. He was thinner than before, his cheekbones more pronounced, and his tux seemed to be loose on his frame. "Are you doing all right?" Now she did run her fingers through his unruly hair, wishing she could smooth away his pain just as easily.

"I missed you." It was all he could say, all he could put into words.

"I missed you too..." There was so much that needed to be dealt with, but in some ways it felt too soon, too raw under the surface. "I'll get your pills..." she started to say instead, but he caught her hand, pulling her against him.

"Don't go...please..." He kept her hand in his, searching her face for a clue to her feelings. "I'm so sorry...I wasn't there for you..." he muttered hoarsely. "The baby...when you lost the baby...I should have been there..."

"Hush..." Meredith felt tears leak from the corners of her eyes at the mention of the miscarriage. When they got engaged, having a baby had been the last thing on her mind. Yet when she discovered she was pregnant, she realized just how much she wanted to have his child. Derek had been ecstatic, and he wrote the song for her in a rush, his feelings flowing out into the music. It was a rhapsody, he'd told her, a lullaby, a love song, whatever she wanted it to be.

Losing the baby shortly after that due to a trauma she'd suffered in a fall, had taken a toll on their relationship. He blamed himself for not being there, away in Europe for a concert, and she had withdrawn into a shell, that no one could reach into. Unable to communicate, they drifted apart on the sea of despair.

"We were both selfish, Derek..." she whispered. "I should have talked to you..."

"I should have tried harder..." Hugging her against him, he realized she was thinner than before too. How could he have let her get lost in the sorrow that they should have worked through together?

Meredith clung to him, comforted by the familiar scent of his aftershave, the feel of his body against hers. "I'm here now..." For so long she had kept her emotions locked up, managing to function at her job, but unable to reach out to him. Cristina had dragged her to New York for a convention, and she hadn't expected to find him on this trip. Her heart had nearly stopped when Cristina pointed out the poster in the hotel lobby, realizing she had to see him at the very least. Mark had been happy to help her out with a backstage pass, after witnessing the pain Derek had been dealing with, and left the rest to her. Even at the last moment, she had been unsure, ready to bolt back to Seattle.

"Sometimes late at night, when there was nothing else except the piano to keep me company, all I could think of was you. How much I missed you, how much I wanted you..." His voice was thick, as he recalled those moments. "Thinking of you the last time we were together, anticipating the future...as if we had all the time and luck in the world..."

Meredith nodded silently, thinking of that sweet moment as well, it was morning, early before he had to leave for Paris. Light had been coming through the curtains in his hotel suite where they had been meeting, the radiance adding to their happiness.

_"Do you have to go?" she murmured, content in the big bed, the luxurious sheets against her naked skin. The separations were sometimes the most difficult part of their relationship, but she knew it was part of who he was. _

_Derek smoothed his hand over the still flat plane of her abdomen, thinking of the child they had created together growing inside of her. It was the most amazing thing to consider, and he couldn't wait to hold the baby. "Soon, but we have some time..." he assured her, raising one eyebrow. "You don't have to be at work today, and my flight isn't for a few hours. How do you want to spend the time?"_

_"Just like this..." Meredith sighed, as he moved over her. "I want to be able to remember this moment while you're gone...hold the memory when I'm having a bad day, so that I feel better." She looped her arms around his neck, welcoming the feel of his body against her, anticipating the pleasure he was going to give her. _

_"Well, in that case..." he grinned at her, watching the flush of pink on her skin against the white of the sheets. __He gently rolled her over to her stomach, and moved on top of her. As the sunlight continued to spill over them, making her glow, he admired the graceful curve of her spine. He laid his head at her neck and inhaled her scent, and kissed her back past her shoulder blades and down to the small of her back. He stayed there for a moment, kissing her there and along the perfect globe of her rump. Trailing kisses along the cheeks, down to her thighs, and to the back of her knees, as she moaned and sighed. He moved on to her calves and her feet, before rolling her back over and kissing back up to her thighs. _

_Meredith opened herself for him, and he kissed just along the outside of her damp feminine folds, making her writhe under him. He placed kisses everywhere, just returning now and again to kiss and lick at her swollen pink lips. He kissed up along her belly and to her breasts again, sucking on her nipples as she rolled her hips up against him in frustration. _

_Releasing her breasts, he kissed a trail lower again. He lifted her up slightly and found her clit with his tongue so that she moaned softly in pleasure. Continuing to lick and suck at her, so that she arched her back and slowly ground her hips to his tongue to get more pressure on the sensitive bud. The pleasure built to a crescendo, as he played her body just as surely as his piano. He continued to lick small circles around her clit, while his fingers moved in and out of her, making her surrender to the sweetness. She finally lost control and let the orgasm hit her in a wave, convulsing over and over again, as his tongue kept delicious pressure where she wanted it most. _

_ She collapsed against the bed, panting and trying to breathe, as he crawled back up to her and kissed her so that she could taste herself on his lips. After she was able to move again, he rolled them over so that she straddled him. She took his cock and slowly guided it toward her welcoming warmth. As she did, she gazed into his eyes with the combined expression of love and lust that he found incredibly sexy. He moved up to meet her, and she slid onto him. For a moment, she didn't move, just felt him inside of her then squeezed him lightly. It was exquisite and perfect, and she didn't want it to end…_

Lifting her head, she pressed a gentle kiss against his lips, and he responded just as softly. The pain behind his eyes began to recede slowly as they shared a longer, deeper kiss, content to take the moment as it was. After being apart, it was the kiss to ignite their emotions, to remind them of just how much they needed to be together. To make up for every lonely night, to wash away every moment of hurt and regret, to give passionate life to every distracted daydream of each other. His hands moved slowly down her back, and over the slight curve of her hips beneath the light summer dress she wore. As always, the feel of her in his arms was all he needed to make him happy, and he knew he never wanted to let her go again.

"Where do we go from here?" he asked finally, cradling her against him, his heart racing and the migraine completely gone.

"I don't know, Derek...but I do know that I love you..." she sighed happily.

"I never stopped loving you, honey," he told her, kissing her forehead. "We can take it fast or take it slow...loving you is all I want."

"Derek, can you play my song for me again?" she asked. "If you feel up to it..."

"Honey, I would love to...I will play your rhapsody, sing you a lullaby, anything you want..."

He eased to his feet, and took her hand to lead her out to the stage, where the piano was waiting silently. The audience was long gone, and their footsteps echoed in the silence of the building. With Meredith seated beside him, Derek began to play the opening notes, before getting lost in the sweet sound of the cascading music that was no longer elegiac, and would be always and forever...Meredith's Rhapsody...

**THE END**


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